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Showing posts from July, 2015

Lilliana DuVince's Advice Column

Hello world. I was planning to finish Stepsisters Part 2 but I'm not really in the mood right now, so...

Welcome to Lilliana DuVince's Advice Column!

What's that? It's where YOU comment questions to YOUR favorite teacher, and YOUR favorite teacher answers! Here's an example Q&As from Lilliana's pals.

Hey Lilliana!
Hi Lilliana. How are you? You are so cool. You always know what to say and do...I have your autograph framed on my wall. Well, I'm getting off track. My question is, what kind of pet is perfect for someone who:
a) spends most of her time online
b) has a short attention span
c) loves animals!
Please, please help me. I can do NOTHING until you give me the A-OK! Please, please help.
Thank you in advance!
Your biggest fan,
Nervous Ranter

Darling Nervous Ranter,
Oh, I remember you! You were always the one on, excusez-moi, the fringe when it came to rassemblements sociaux. From my extensive dealings with animals, I can definitely recommend the hedge…

Who is Lilliana DuVince?

For those of you who are familiar with this blog, Lilliana DuVince is a frequent character. You know she is a silly teacher who is always open for a date and is endlessly reading romance novels by a Miss Rebekah Starpaw. But do you know everything about her? I, Ilse the Imaginer, personal friend of Miss DuVince, will describe her to the best of my abilities.

Full Name: Lilliana Marianna DuVince
Personality: Romantic and silly. Miss DuVince is a fully-fledged flirt and romance novel fan.
Occupation: YOUR child's teacher! Yes, that annoys me too.
Looks: Contest time! From YOUR, that's right, YOUR comments, I will decide what Lilliana DuVince looks like! Please comment below and show me how YOU imagine Lilliana!
Ambitions: To be in Unquenched Love, her favorite soap opera!

Bye Bye! Remember to enter before August First. See ya later on the web!

-Ilse the Imaginer

Lillianna DuVince's Inbox

Hey guys! I've been requested to share more notes from Lilliana DuVince, YOUR child's teacher, so I decided to peek in her inbox-and share her replies. I wouldn't, of course, if I didn't know she didn't believe in suing.

Inbox 1: A Note from A Parent

Dear Miss DuVince,
I am convinced you have destroyed my Martha Anne. Every day she comes home with a new senseless romance novel by someone named Rebekah Starpaw. I have told her countless times that that is not appropriate for a third grader, but she just gibberished at me somethin' about inspiration and unique individual choice or somethin' like that. I was surprised, I'll let you know,little Miss Inspiration Unique Individual Choice. I think you should add How to Fry Bacon and other Household Know-how knacks to your class library. It may help Martha Anne's reading choices.
Frostily, Mrs. Down To Earth

Dear Mrs. Earth Why? Why sting me with the poison darts of disapproval? Why hurt me with the sword of ange…

How to Blog

Hey guys! I thought you might want a how-to on blogging. So I made you: The Ultimate Grand Detailed Guide For Successful Blogging Forevermore! I hope all your questions are answered!
1. Get a Google Account. 2. Go to Apps and click Blogger. 3. Click add blog. 4. Do what it tells you to-name it, etc. 5. Make a Hello, peoples post. 6. Think of a random topic 7. Post about it 8. Email EVERYONE you know about your new blog! 9. Add cool gadgets! 10. Continue posting and thank me on bended knee.
Ta-da! And no laughing, Bekah. (Yes, I know enough about you to know you are laughing inside, Bekah.)

Never Too Old (A Story by me, Ilse the Imaginer)

Hey guys! This is a story I wrote about a little girl...who becomes a young woman...who becomes an adult...who becomes a little old lady. I wrote it in one sitting after my grandma telling me how she got beautiful...can you guess? I'm sure you can after the story.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Once Upon A Time there was a little girl named Grace. Her mother and her father loved her very much, so for her sixth birthday, even though they were very poor, they bought her a little present instead of Mama getting a new hat and Papa getting a new tie.
When the special day came, Grace was almost too thrilled to eat. She had never gotten a real, actual present before, in a box wrapped up with pretty paper and a bow. “Mama, Papa, I feel happy and-and-sort of racing and scared all at once! What do you call that?” she asked. “You’re excited, darling,” replied Mama. “But please, don’t forget to finish your…

A Conversation

How are you?

Good?
How am I?
Oh, how thoughtful of you to ask. I am good, too.
You didn’t ask?
You are so rude.
I wish you wouldn’t be that way.
You know, your petty excuses won’t work.
Chocolate? What did you say about chocolate?
Hmmph…dat ith gud. No, it’s not rude to talk with your mouth full. You are all about etiquette, aren’t you?
You know, I think I am just done with you.
You’re my mother?
I never knew that, but it would explain a lot…wait a sec, have I met you?
You aren’t my mother after all?
Phew, that felt weird.
Got any more chocolate?
No? How sad…
Wait, what??!!!
You ate it??!!!
GO AWAY!!!!!

What Happens When I'm Separated From My Pillow Pet Too Long

Dear Pillow Pet, I am writing this letter to thank you. Not only are you soft and cuddly, for a while you made every other pillow feel hard and cold comparatively. Sure, you didn't live up to your ad--I can never keep you closed long enough to be a pet, and sure, a pair of pajamas simply won't fit inside you, but I can say that you have been a faithful companion since that first fluffy night. Of course, we've had our bad days. We've had our arguments and disdain for each other. You've pranked me. I've pranked you. You called me names. I called you names. Yet, through it all, we have maintained a strong connection that I hope will never be broken, or tainted with hatred. Please accept my apologies for all I've done to you, for I accept yours for all you've done to me. The hour is at hand to say goodbye. Tears fill my eyes as the last word seals our separation. Please--don't speak if all that might have been. Think of the joys we've had together. …

#hashtags

hashtags.
perhaps the least useful things
in the history of human existence.
i know-i am an unbeliever
in what people say is the glory
of a hashtag.
also, a couples name
because perabeth
makes total sense.
as if.
anyway
hashtags
somehow express so much
a thought
after a number sign
hashtags-
useful or stupid?
#idontknow

Stepsisters Part 1 do-over

Part 1 Elizabeth Gurney was mad. She was so mad she couldn't see straight. She was so mad she wanted to do something drastic.
The object of Elizabeth's anger was her father. After 2 years he finally got a girlfriend after divorcing her mother, and he chose Ms. Swanbrook?? To be sure, Ms. Swanbrook was a perfectly excellent lady. She made brownies like nobody's business and was the president of VincentCreekMiddle School's PTA. She wasn't the problem. The problem was her daughter.
Jennifer Swanbrook was so stereotypical it was amazing how she existed outside of a book or a DVD case. Starting with her blond hair with a purple strip down to her rhinestoned boots and all the sassy designer in between, she was something the traditional popular girl, with all the rudeness to social outcasts that came with it. She was something of a nemesis to Elizabeth. Why? I'll explain.
Elizabeth Emily Gurney had never worn any makeup in her life, or even wanted to, apart from when she …

Stepsisters Part 1= Forget It

Hey guys! You know how I wrote Stepsisters Part 1? Well, I've decided to use the original idea but rework the plot, so what I wrote is kind of like a sneak peek for a later part. It's still going to be about Elizabeth Gurney, John Gurney, Delanie Swanbrook, and Jennifer Swanbrook. They are all real now, and I cannot and do not want to destroy their unborn lives. The basis is still the same, everything's still the same, except for that little part. Okay? Okay. Thank you for understanding.

Stepsisters Part 1

Elizabeth Gurney laid down her head on her desk and cried. It wasn't a long cry or a stormy cry but it was a cry nonetheless and Elizabeth was determined to have it.
Why was Miss Gurney crying? There are many answers to that question, but mostly because she felt she ought to cry in her semi-tragic position and she knew all too well that what ought to be done must be done.
You see, after two years of being divorced to Elizabeth's mother, Melina Lawrence,  Elizabeth's father, John Gurney, had decided to get remarried. He was a handsome fellow, and still in his mid-thirties, so why wouldn't he? He had picked out a prosperous and beautiful young widow, Delanie Swanbrook, with a daughter, Jennifer, who was thirteen, like his own Elizabeth. All in all, Mr. Gurney felt quite proud of himself over the whole affair and was delighted to find himself happening to feel the kind of affection for Delanie which is not quite love but near enough that it will, in time, become it. So he…

Infinity Dreams Award/I'm Back!

Image
Hey guys! I'm back in Florida for three more weeks and thus I am back to blogging. It turns out I did not die, which is good, because I got nominated for:
The Infinity Dreams Award! And I'm really Excited! (yes, Excited with a capitol E. Why not?)
Okay, the Rules!Rule 1: Thank the blogger who nominated you and add a link to their blog. Thank you SO MUCH!!!! Bekah! I really appreciate being nominated, especially being a new blogger and all. Here is the link: This is the link. Click on it. NOW. Rule 2: Post the pic on your blog. Been there, done that. Rule 3: Answer the 11 questions. Time to reveal my secrets!
Are there any fandoms you've been in for at least 5 years?YES. I have been obsessed with Harry Potter since KINGERGARTEN. You should know that, Bekah.Have you ever read a book that you thought you'd hate, but turned out to be an awesome book?Yep. A billion times. For instance, my dad made me read the first Percy Jackson series before The Mark of Athena and I SO regretted…

I won't be posting for a while

Hi! This is just a heads up-for about a week and a half, I may not really be posting because I will be visiting friends. I just want you guys to know because lately I've been posting A TON! and you might be like, is Ilse still alive? So yes, I am. But if I do die, I'll have my obituary posted here. :) Just kidding. The point is, I won't be posting for a while.

-Ilse the Imaginer

Poll

Hey guys! I am posting because I'm setting up a-drum roll, please-POLL! The question is, should I make a series of chapters/short stories? You decide! The poll is on the right of this post.

Why is blogging so appealing?

Why is blogging so appealing and enjoyable? Seriously, why do I feel the need the post so often? I guess it's just fun to share your thoughts and ideas with others.Your thoughts?

Bekah the Bookworm

Hey guys! It's me again. So you know one of the reasons I made a blog? Well, I might not have if it weren't for a special viewer called Bekah.

***Amid cheers I call Bekah up from the audience and we wave to the cheering paparazzi***

(by the way I cannot spell paparazzi without right clicking and checking. JSYK)

Bekah is a fan of Warrior cats (go Leafpool), My Little Pony Friendship Magic, and more. She's a budding writer, working on The Quest of Sun Valley and Agent Academy. Find out more-on her blog!
You'll find the link to Bekah the Bookworm, a blog after my own heart, on the side. It has rants, art, books, ideas and more! Please-give it a try. You won't regret it.

Bleh

Do you ever just feel bleh? Like, you don't have any symptoms of anything or really feel particularly anything, but you just feel lame and awful and

BLEH ? It's one of the worst feelings EVER. Bleh is no good. Dobby no like bleh.

Audrey Hepburn Quote

The Shadow-Pond

The wind whispers in the shadow-pond I wish-I know-I wish-I know The wind murmurs in the shadow-pond The truth-the truth-the truth
The sun glimmers in the shadow-pond Look back-look back-look back-look back The sun shimmers in the shadow-pond Before-it is-too late
The water ripples in the shadow-pond Listen-listen-hear-the bells The water’s wrinkles in the shadow-pond

Silly Field Trip Form

Dear Parent(s) or Guardian(s), Hello hello! This is Lilliana DuVince, YOUR child’s teacher! We’ve had a great kickoff promising to bloom into a bright cherry-blossom tree of a year (don’t you just love cherry-blossom trees? I certainly do!) and it’s time to consider our first field trip! I always like the ducklings to have a choice of their breadcrumbs, so to speak, whether they’d pick soda-bread, sourdough, white, or challah. Well, ducks, they chose challah—a delicious taste for a delicious year! We’re going to Mr. DiPlume’s Candy Lagoon Factory, and learn all about assembly lines, teamwork, and yummy treats! I’m afraid that the day, October 3, will be field trip day for the whole school, so unless your little duckling is feeling unwell, the trip is not quite optional. Lunch will be served, so all your child needs to bring is a container for a little something to take home. Wish us a Bon Voyage, or, should I say, Bon Appetite, Lilliana DuVince YOUR child’s teacher
I,______________________…